1. 1 Mar



    The women I have loved.

    (NOTE: This is going to be Millenial as FUCK. I’m talking about real people. Some of whicj read this blog with regularity. I don’t apologize for any of it. Now, shout out to Seagrams Gin, cause I drink it and they payin’ me for it.)

    You know what gets tiring? Being a dude pretending like you don’t have feelings because several generations of Black men who you share DNA with felt it necessary to keep all that Nancy shit locked up tight.

    I have loved 4 women in my life. (Not counting my maternal grandmother, my aunt who might as well be my big sister, and the woman who gave birth to me. I love them all with the fury of a thousand suns and would happily kill you where you stand if you brought harm to them.)

    A. C. J. H. The first letters of their names.

    See, I had strong feelings for K since the day I met her, but she had a boyfriend at the time who I’m cool with.  After awhile, it was more that I liked us being able to be open about our similarities and differences,her being as competitive and focused as I was and being able to be selfish more than I liked her. Also, you can’t be out here openly pining for your homies ex, right? Then there was S. She ran close as hell, but ended up being a miserable, horrible sack of humanity after our relationship ended. She lied and said HORRIBLE things about me because I hurt her. I felt bad for a bit, but now? Fuck her. My name is my name.

    You have to play your feelings close to the vest when you truly care about someone. Can’t be out here willingly exposing yourself to heartbreak and rejection, right? Not the healthiest way to live a life. Everyone in the 50’s managed to make due, right? *looks at life expectancy in the 50’s* *weeps uncontrollably*

    It’s funny. You meet different types of people as you grow and experience more. A gets to hold the “My first love” crown forever, and God damn, did she ever earn it. 

    C and H are from college. I still love both of them. We date other people, but that love is there and always will be. They serve as my Luca Brasi and Tom Hagen, respectively.

    I ran from J. Not even kidding, I loved her to the point that I actively deleted numbers of girls from my phone. I made up some shit about being worried she wanted kids. I didn’t have the balls to actually say, “Hey. I love you to the point of terror. I need to break up with you because hanging out with you is more rewarding than working. I’m 24 and that’s frightening, so um…bye!”

    I regret that I’m not with any of them. I’m sad I regret something that naive.

    This post was very therapeutic. Thanks very much for letting me bend your ear.

     

  2. 13 Sep



    636 Words, by Eddie Huang

    America is an adversarial society. Whether we want to accept it or not, the good guys don’t always win. Biggie was right, “it’s an every day struggle.” Your life begins as an American when you recognize and accept that nothing you have will be given to you; it’s taken. Notice I said “taken” and not “earned”. You can’t trust that for said amount of work you’ll get said amount of pay. It just never happens. If you want to make sure you get what you deserve: take it. 

    When you bring your cultural goods to market, expect someone to try and take it from you, especially the dominant culture because they can. The only way to come up is to defend the things you have and learn to take for yourself. Offense is the best defense. Look at all the inspirations we’ve had as 80s babies. Barack - took the youth vote and micro donors; Fab Five - disrespected every thing about collegiate sports, rejected white socks/short shorts, took booster money, and peace’d; Brooklyn - like BDP said, “Manhattan keeps on makin’ it, Brooklyn keeps on takin’ it.” As much as I love Francis Lam, his ideas about aspiring to “join” America lead to the loss of your culture and Indian Casinos. What if the Tea Party wins and that bullshit definition of America rules? You want to be a member then? Sometimes you shouldn’t respect the other side because it’s wrong #Newsroom. The only America that matters is yours… but you’ll have to fight for it.

    I remember in 9th grade we had this exercise in class. The teacher said, “Form groups of 5. You’re all in a crashing plane and there’s one parachute. Figure out who gets it.” I didn’t want to die so I campaigned for the parachute. Every one else was embarrassed to put their life above someone else’s but I wasn’t. I believe in myself. I believe in my values and I believe that I’m more valuable to the world alive than dead. I didn’t know how to explicate that, but I wanted the parachute and was the youngest in the group so I took it. The teacher asked why they gave me the parachute and we answered “Because Eddie is the youngest in our group.” She said, “That’s the wrong answer. You should all want the parachute and if you don’t, then what’s the point?” I never forgot that lesson. Far too many of us have something to offer the world and sit idly by thinking someone will make it better for us, but they won’t. The world you want has to be taken. 

    I don’t care if people think I’m angry because no amount of peer pressure will force me to submit and allow another culture to consume my identity. I worked too hard unearthing myself buried under American stigma and stereotype to turn around and give it all up because someone wants me for a member. Like Groucho Marx, I’m not joining your club but not because you’ll have me. I’m not joining because assimilation is cultural and ethnic baptism: you lose every thing you came with in exchange for false moral approval. It matters that we don’t let you take over neighborhoods and displace those that made it what it is simply because you have and they do not. It matters that we don’t let people shark bite gua bao or call it Peking Duck because it’s Beijing mother fucker. Why should we let The Man romanize our shit? We were good enough when we came, we’re good enough if we leave, and we’re good enough if we stay. People are different and society should just accept it… but they won’t. You’ll have to fight for it and that’s the most important thing I can tell you.

     

  3. 23 Aug



    hey man!„„„i saw you,re pic in the paper a day or 2 ago @ i couldn,t get over what a hot,sexy guy u r!…….i was wondering if u would like a whiteboy slave that would do everything u said„no questions asked„„i would love 2 have the oppurtunity 2 serve u and make you,re life easier„more fun„and more comfortable………………i could clean you,re apt„scrub you,re toliet„do laundry or dishes„„cut you,re nails„shave u„,wash you,re butt if it got dirty„,open you,re beers„light you,re smokes„„lick you,re feet clean if they were tired@ sweaty„„u could choke me with every inch u got anytime u wanted„,till u bust a nut„„basically it would b 100% up 2 u how i served u…u would b the king„,me the slave„„„„,thanks 4 you,re consideration.!..
    — This is an e-mail that I received.
     

  4. 26 Jul



    On that thing I wrote:

    For every super aggro person that has come after me online after my post about Chik Fil-A (know that there have been plenty), there have been more people who disagree with me that can actually articulate a point without just dismissing me entirely or resorting to calling me a commie (it happened) or a nigger (you know it) or an Obama-loving Chicago-style goon. (I made the last one up.) 

    No matter what side you’re on when it comes to issues: Keep having conversations about things with people that disagree with you. Don’t just repeat slogans, you’re smarter than that. Things change, even if it’s just someone’s viewpoint. 

    And with that? Goodnight.