Aldous Huxtable

I think a lot about the past. Monica once told me that it’s a pretty defining characteristic of my astrological sign and even though I think astrology is a big ol’ bag of horseshit,  I can’t help thinking that it’s not only accurate, but pretty telling of who I am.

The face I just made upon reading the above paragraph is the difference between Chicago and New York, by the way. It was one of these: 

When I write, I catch myself making that face a lot. I always think about the people I grew up with rolling their eyes, saying something like “Hey buddy, good for you! The writing thing seems to be going well!” then immediately returning to concerns about things like mortgages, kids and President Obama trying to make them pay for mythological lazy minorities. 

It’s a thing that I think is the sole difference between “creative” communities and those that aren’t. The reluctance to put an idea out there without fear of being judged.

I worry that I do to many list-type stuff when I write. It’s funny because I think in bullet points. 

Look, I woke up this morning with the intent to clean my apartment.

I’m writing stuff like this instead.

The first girl I ever loved I couldn’t physically bring myself to ask out. So we never dated.

I’ve been a shitty boyfriend, a super-awkward paramour, the love of someones life (her words, not mine) and a guy who thought a casual hangout was a date and acted accordingly. (That last one was brutal.)

I’ve ducked out of a one night stand by jumping out of the window.

I can talk to anybody, anytime, anywhere and be completely stupified as to what to say to a girl I like.

I’ve blown up dates/relationships that could have lasted and went somewhere. 

I’ve aborted situations that didn’t even turn into dates.

I’ve gotten my “Marvin’s Room” on more than once.

I’ve been in relationships because I felt obligated.

I’ve dated some really shitty people who made me think that their overall shittiness (pretend it’s a word) was my fault.

(Hold on a second: If someone makes you unhappy in any relationship be it romantic or otherwise, leave that relationship. Yes, you can.)

I’ve AIM/GChat/texted/FB chat logged with my friends about “how I don’t understand women” and “why can’t I just hook up randomly with dumb girls?”

I’ve been really tough on myself about relationships for no reason. If you’ve been doing the same, stop. It’s pointless.

(insert broad but positive statement about how I’m not going to do that anymore here)

(relapse by Thursday)

(Wash, rinse, repeat)

You can change your entire life if you just want to. Shit’s crazy, but it’s true.

• “Just carved my first pumpkin ever. WHITE PEOPLE, WE ARE COMING FOR ALL YOUR SHIT.”
• “I have no costume ideas. When people ask, I may resort to saying “Pretend it’s the 50’s real quick, ok?” When they say yes, immediately whistle at/smack the ass of the nearest white woman and say “I’m an uppity Negro!!!!”
• “Pretty sure Foster the People is the new Johnny Hates Jazz. Think about it.”
• Did anyone ever think MJ changed his looks so that you couldn’t deny his music/vids on TV because he was black? MTV didn’t play black artists (including him) for a hot minute.
• “One of the goals of #NoDN for me? Try and figure out what biz casual means for me. “
• “That scene where @carr2n treats the guys from VICE is AMAZING.”

*Tweets may be more than 140 characters. Also, I didn’t say they were good.

I just got home from a wonderful weekend celebrating the nuptuals of two friends I haven’t seen in a long time. They got married at a museum and we had the reception in the dinosaur room. I ate steak underneath a T-rex. How dope is that? Here’s some stuff about the whole thing:

• Diversity fucking rules. 
• Can I make a life suggestion? If you had a huge crush on someone in college and you never said anything, MAYBE it’s not the best idea to let the girl know 5 1/2 years later when she has a boyfriend and you don’t really care because you’re really drunk and it’s like A: Fuck that guy, right? and B: hey, you may never even SEE her again, so fuck it! BURN THE BOATS! MAKE IT AWKWARD.
• If I was one of the guys lifting people up on the chairs, that’s still doing the hora, right? 
• Sometimes you have to wear a suit with a t-shirt to the Orlando airport because your flight leaves in 20 minutes and you completely ignore all the manners your mom bestowed on you and you cut the ENTIRE security line.
• This morning, I sat next to a really fat guy on the plane. I was so drunk and sleepy that I told him, “Hey,I might put my head on your sleeve so my bad if  i do that man”
• I MIGHT PUT MY HEAD ON YOUR SLEEVE.
• Lord Christ Jesus, I just want my head to stop hurting.
• I actually got pretty emotional during the ceremony. No tears or anything, but it’s REALLY COOL to see people who are cool as hell on their own become this stupid in love unstoppable unit of matrimony. DON’T BE AFRAID TO FEEL FEELINGS, y’all.
• If everyone and their mom (literally) wants you to make out with the brides cousin, maybe you should make out with the brides cousin.
• Indian food is DELICIOUS!
• It’s possible to laugh so hard you make yourself poop.
• A lot of people remember the words to “Too Close” by Next. You’d think it wasn’t that popular. You would be wrong.

I’m gonna go to bed now.