April 2009
Tuesdays with Beardo
So this morning, I’m walking to the j-o, whistling “electric feel” and enjoying a red bull. As always, Beardo is posted up on the corner of Marietta and Cone, parlaying in his wheelchair whilst feeding the pigeons. I give my usual “Morning, Beardo!” and he gives me his “Hey kid!”.
We then witness a car get pulled over right in front of us.
Beardo looks...
March 2009
“(This takes place in an 8th grade class. The teacher is discussing Nazi...”
– Overheard by my mother today. The future of America, ladies and gents.
“ Excuse me Sir! Don’t you know you will get cancer if you smoke? You...”
– Ernest Wilkins, age 3, to a man on the EL platform.
WatchWhite Kids: I’m going to help you earn ironic hipster points a little earlier than usual.This is OJ Da Juiceman. Yes, that’s the same Gucci Mane from “Freaky Gurl” and “So Icey”. He just got out. Enjoy.
“Jesus Christ (jconthemove) is now following your updates on Twitter!”
– This is what my Saturday started with.
The Flashbeagle 5 for March 2009
{Note: In a vain attempt to coin a new catchphrase(and pass time working the dinner shift) Tom Towell and I decided that calling something “flashbeagle” was akin to calling it “the shit/bomb.com/whatever” Now you know.}
I bring to you 5 things that are flashbeagle for this month.
Giving bums umbrellas when it rains, and seeing what they do.(In Beardo’s case, he...
“A man walks into a bar and sees a guy sitting on a barstool drinking a beer and...”
– I was taking a test Junior Year and and realized halfway through that I stood no chance at passing it. In the short answer section, I wrote this joke.
I got a D. I like to think it was because of the joke.
One of those Girlfriend moments
FSU lost. I am not happy.
She wouldn’t give a shit, but would fake it and be empathetic.
or
She’d be angrier than I am, talking shit about the HORRIBLE officiating.
Has it been 7 months already? Weak shit.
The one where Ernest has nothing witty to say.
I don’t have anything interesting to discuss since FSU is on, so accept this template until next time. Thanks for reading!
“funny/snarky comment about something we all remember in pop culture while applying it to modern situations/something that happened to me today”
(If that doesn’t do it for you, add some awkwardly nude white guy, a Dead Kennedys song, and a whole...
Yet another Beardo story
Beardo had a fucking SPREAD of food (a BIG bag of pretzels, and some mcdonalds) when I walked by this afternoon. That cavalier so-and-so was smiling so hard. I asked him about it.
Me - “BEARDO! Where did you get all that food?”
Beardo - “Man, I do what I did do.”
He then grinned like George Clooney might if he had a mouthful of burger.
And if George Clooney was a...
Yay!
Something I wrote has been in Chicago’s RedEye paper twice in the last five days.
They were Twitter-sized, yes, BUT WHO CARES?
Rules For Success In Life #93
If you haven’t had sex in a long time, DON’T TELL ANYBODY.
I have yet to hear a woman/man say, “Well, he/she said she hasn’t had sex in 2 years. I figured I’d throw her/him a bone!”
Controversy.
I don’t have a problem with the new facebook the same way I don’t have a problem with keg beer at some kid I don’t know’s party.
I don’t have the right to complain about something I didn’t pay for.
The same goes for myspace, twitter, and this damn thing.
Lonnie’s Secret - Owusu and Hannibal
Quick Hits #2
- Beardo has switched to the other side of the street. I got worried when I didn’t see him this morning, only to turn and see him waving. Upon asking about the move, he replied, as only he can, “When you gonna let me drive that car of yours?”.
Beardo > The Beatles.
- The beginning of “Casino Royale” is still amazing to me.
- It’s almost a certainty that I...
Notes from the tuba player:
There sure are a lot of tits on tumblr.
Not that I’m complaining.
Mondays with Beardo
(The following is an actual conversation that took place on the corner of Marietta and Forsyth at 6:42 pm)
Me: G’night Beardo!
Mr. Beardo: Good evening, kid!
Me: Hey Beardo, are you on twitter?
Mr. Beardo: Whu’thfuck is a tweeter?
Me: Nono, Twitter!
Beardo: Who’z a twitter? You ain’t no bird.
Me(after laughing pretty hard for a minute) Twitter’s a website,...
Trends that should end #1
The aspiration to live your life like characters in a TV show or movie.
EDIT: unless the aformentioned character is played by Tracy Morgan.
The Best Way to start a Sunday?
Getting a drunken voicemail from 4 beautiful women from the night before. I’m smiling.
Unrelated: I have whittled my act down to a good 3 minutes. Think it’s time to get back in the ring? I do.
Better living through pocket squares.
Gents, I know Mad Men really brought them back into American conscience, but to me, they should have never left. Wear one, and see how easily you stand out from the rest of the guys in Ed Hardy nonsense or general “go out” clothes. It’s a real confidence booster too. Start wearing your clothes, and stop letting them wear you.
Atlanta-types: What are you doing today?
If the answer isn’t “taking my narrow ass outside” you lost. Old roomie shannon is in town, thus it begins to go down. Drinks outside, dancing outside, winning…OUTSIDE!
Spring Break ‘89. Because it’s what Flip Wilson would have wanted.
2 beers into SB '89...
and things are looking all kinds of sunny.
Today. sucked. I was working on approx 5 projects at once, and didn’t do that well on them when it was all said and done. I missed a deadline, and I HATE that. Enough of that, here’s where things get interesting.
So I’m walking to the train, and as usual, I say goodnight to my main man Beardo(Imagine a homeless Santa Claus, and yes, I...
How to tell if we're soulmates
(Ladies, it’s easy. If you answer yes, move on to the next question. If you get a no, then stop.)
1: Can you dance?(If you can’t dance, but don’t give a shit and do it anyway, advance to #8)
2: Do you tell the truth? To yourself as well as others?
3: Do you like sports?(If you don’t really care about them, but would be happy for me, advance.)
4: Do you like being around...
SB '89
On Sunday, there was snow on the ground. Tomorrow, it will be 70ish. To celebrate this fact, along with other achievements(brokering deals, working on pitches, smiling in photos), I’m having a crazy ass weekend.
Spring Break 1989. Oh you didn’t know? Yo ass better CALL somebody.*
*Note: I have no idea what’s going on besides day drinking on Sat.
A few things.
While I’m on Cloud Fucking 9 over here, lemme lay down the law.
1: Eliza Dushku looks like a girl I went to high school with.
2: I spent my evening at Stankonia.
3: I met motherfucking Outkast.
4: i got a 12 pack of Heneiken Light to TAKE HOME.
5: A kid tonight: “Ernest Wilkins? Oh shit! I know you! You’re the Throwback Thursday guy! You’re the shit!”
6: The...
WOW.
Damn, it’s been 6 months already? I should probably start dating again.
cooldeal:
Elvis Costello- (I Don’t Want To Go...
When you get right down to it, Interracial porn is pretty racist stuff.
Watchbol:
Video: Man Watching Porn Gets His Door Kicked In By His Neighbor With A Sword!
I have not watched this video, the title alone will do. Whatever it is, it cannot beat the pic in my mind. Awesome.
Bell, Biv, Devoe - Poison